Post by Ted Rogers on May 9, 2013 19:29:49 GMT -5
Morgan....LOL
2 for grammar, 5 for length and detail, and 15 for creativity?
22 for Morgan, its nice she tried
Gina wrote some stupid troll stuff about 21 kittens so she isnt taking it seriously of course. Gina is definitely not going to be picked for AS this season.
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" “The source of the plague comes from Queen Brenda. She is the source of the infection, and the refusal from the population to kill her is what spread the Pandemic. It is more than a simple pandemic; those who are infected become stupid, contagious, stronger than usual and dangerous. They lose all kind of intelligence and kill everyone on their way. They want to eat their brain!” Everyone gasped and put their hand on their mouth"
"There was a woman sitting on the throne. She was obviously a zombie, with her disgusting skin and scars. We all recognized her because of her Asian eyes: She was Brenda."
Grammar: 8 points, some sentence structures were off, some words were unnecesarily capitalized. Randomly switched from 3rd person to first person at parts too.
“DEAD TO BRENDA!” “DEAD TO BRENDA!”
.....
Length and Detail: 15, not bad, I would have liked more gore details for it being a zombie story. Brenda's death was a little tame, but some of the descriptions were gross and good!
A woman with long brown and curly hair showed up. Her skin was white and disgusting like a leper. Her eyes were… missing! She was rushing in our direction screaming unintelligible words! We were hitting her with our forks with as much strength as we could and it spread lot of blood. I recognize her! That’s our neighbor, Corinne! I couldn’t believe we just killed her. But she was infected, there was no other way.
Great description of Corinne as a zombie!
Creativity: Although Zombies are hardly original, this was done in 1350 setting. In relation to the game from Pete's point of view, this is accurate, Brenda killed Rafe, they then killed Brenda and Boo became infected. Although Natalie had a lot to do with this, he seemed to omit her from the plot.
Brenda being the queen zombie and causing the plague is quite amusing, the story's focus was obviously her eviction and it revealed some of Pete's relationship to the cast, Brenda was his arch nemesis, Rob his son, Steph his daughter in law, and Gina his wife. Basically we know his ideal final 4 fom the story,
Character development though is pretty non-existent.
45 points
45+15+8= 68 total for Pete
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“!@#$%^&” was Ted’s reaction to this. He was not happy. “You’ll do as I say, you little bitch. I’m a grinder and you fit my style perfectly,” he explained. He was so pissed off at this point, that right after he was finished raping her, he just decided to kill her. That was what happened when you disobeyed or pissed these people off, they would not hesitate to kill you at all.
“Why can’t Rob be one of the people to just die?” I asked myself over and over.
Another week had gone by with no food or water. It was now over a month that we were stuck in this basement. Gina, Morgan and Stephanie all died during that week, leaving me as the only girl left down there. I was stuck with Rob and Pete and honestly, I wish I had died by now. I hated them so much and couldn’t understand why they were such awful people.
“What’s your name?” I asked curiously.
“Amanda,” she said. “I used to be friends with those boys, but they wouldn’t let me hang out with them anymore because of my skin color. I couldn’t believe that they wouldn’t let me hang with them because of that, but I guess it’s a good thing. They were always concerned with African Americans taking over the world. Artis said he had once conquered a whole ‘tribe’ of Caucasians, whatever that means.”
Grammar: 19, not perfect but close to it, as far as I could tell.
Length and Detail: 18, Its definitely there and length isnt the problem, but my only small criticism I would have rather had less characters and more development and descriptions of their deaths than many characters who just die because "They got sick". Descriptions of the violent deaths of certain characters like Pete Rob Corinne, Rafe Benda and Laura, were great though!
Creativity: Lot's of great stuff here. The black hosts and PWs being the villains is quite funny, her depiction of me as the murdering rapist was both disturbing and amusing at the same time. Gsurv 2 has no black cast members, so The Black Power murdering the white players works even better for this. I would have liked to have seen more interplay of Natalie with Rob and Pete and her providing better reasons as to why she hated them so much within the story itself.
55 points
19 + 18 + 55= 92 points
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But Rafe continues, getting to his feet, “So if Corinne passed on the virus to anyone in this cell—”
“She didn’t!” Brenda shouts. “She didn’t pass anything on to anyone!”
Rafe moves towards her and utters, “She passed it on to you.”
Suddenly, Natalie stands. Rafe and Brenda separate, each looking at her, anticipating her next move. Natalie looks towards the door and cries out, “Infection!” On cue, two cards burst into the cell and pause. Natalie extends her arm and points to Rafe: “He’s the one.”
Before he can protest, the ray gun discharges into Rafe’s neck and he collapses, dragged out by the guards, who seal the cell as they exit. Stephanie holds her face in her hands, trying to stifle her sobs, as Rob pulls her into a tight embrace. Natalie walks up to Brenda and they hug briefly. Brenda, over Natalie’s shoulder, locks eyes with Stephanie. She holds her gaze there for a moment before returning to the pack of cigarettes on the ground.
Natalie turns to face Stephanie, taking her gently by the shoulders. “What I did to Rafe is exactly what Rafe was about to do to Brenda. It’s exactly what he would’ve done to me. And to you. You shouldn’t have let him fool you like that.” Natalie starts to walk away but Stephanie stops her. “Does Brenda blame me?”
“Do I blame you for what?” Brenda says suddenly, her voice right behind Stephanie.
Stephanie turns around, standing now between Brenda and Natalie, an unspoken understanding shared among them but from which she is excluded.
“But we’re all healthy!” Stephanie asserts. “We’re killing each other but we’re all perfectly fine! None of us is infected, yet we’re getting each other terminated! Why are we doing this?”
“We need to terminate the people in this cell that we don’t trust to keep us safe,” Rob says, each whispered word ringing out with leaden clarity.
Stephanie stares at him for a moment and shakes her head slowly. “No. No, Rob, I can’t do that.”
“We have to.”
“No,” she says again. “Rob, I cannot do that. I can’t, I’m sorry.”
“Steph, wake up. They’re going to kill us if we don’t kill them first. If you want to survive—”
“But we’re only six days away!”
“If you want to survive…this is what we have to do.”
Grammar: 20- Steph's vocabulary and use of language is excellent, not much to say here.
Length and Detail: 19
This was clearly a very well thought out story, and may even have some implied things I might have missed. Pete correctly choosing Natalie's the Queen of Hearts obviously has to do with the Poker challenge, and was a nice reference.
This story is completely devoid of humor and is all paranoia and drama, especially the tense conversation between Boo and Stephanie at the end, and Rob's realization that they must kill everyone to survive, even though everyone is ACTUALLY healthy and everyone is targeting one another out of sheer paranoia. It is brilliant writing and a direct parallel to Survivor.
I really enjoyed how Natalie falsely accused Rafe, and that was his downfall and the depiction of Brenda as the evil villain, which was fitting. This was overall a very solid story to go down in the archive of stories written.
Creativity: 57
20 + 19 + 57= 95 for Stephanie
